Gold Fish Brains.

Assalamu alikum.

Of course me being me, I never continued the stories of my marriage and life after that. So i thought it would be a good idea to start writing them down for memory reasons. It will be hard remembering details and i don't think ill be able to tell the stories in order but inshaAllah I'll try my best because like the title of this post says i have the memory of a gold fish .

It's hard sometimes. Because a lot of confusion happens around here. Especially when i forget i have two kids.

 

Hopefuly with the help of Allah i follow through. Let me start by saying bismillah.

The Importance Of A Good Sisterhood

everyone needs friends in there life.
having friends, is human nature its a part of our religion. you need to surround yourself with good people to become a better person.
it will help you get to know yourself better and help you gain confidence in your self.
so who was i to think i didn't need friends to survive when Allah The Most High said in the holy Qur'an "The believers are nothing else than brothers. So make reconciliation between your brothers, and fear Allah, that you may receive mercy." [Al-Hujjurat, 49:10]

and when The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم  said about brotherhood: "None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself." [Bukhari & Muslim]

and also The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: "You will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not guide you to something which if you carry out you will love one another? Spread salaam amongst yourselves." [Muslim]

SubhanAllah brotherhood is an obligation, not a choice. yet i thought it was too much of a hassle when i needed it more than anyone else.
may Allah keep me steadfast.

A New Beginning

 Bissmillah.
Sometimes I wished I could have run away from the life I was living and start a new life alone. I thought that would be a solution to my problems, if only I could have the knowledge that it would all be OK and no-one would be affected by my absence. But the reality was that I couldn't because everyone in my life had a right over me as I had a right over them. It’s not that I thought I was perfect and right and everybody around me was wrong, but sometimes the problems would become overwhelming and all I would want to do was to hide until everything became better again. But, then again, I wasn't sure if anything was good in the first place. Was I ever a good wife? Was I ever a good mother? Was I ever a good friend or niece or daughter or sister or even considered a good Muslim? Was I anything? But you see, that's where the truth revealed itself. I expected so much from myself and everybody else, that instead of helping myself become better, slowly I kept bringing myself and everyone around me down and it stopped me from becoming a better person. When I first got married I believed I didn't need anything but my house, my husband, and my family. I cut all contact with everyone I knew, even my closest and dearest friends that loved me and cared for me for the sake of Allah and expected nothing in return. I told myself it wasn't worth it, no-one cared about me anyway, and that it was too much of a hassle to handle. So I was selfish I slowly started losing who I was as an individual. As a person, I no longer knew who I really was or how to describe my personality. All my interests were gone. I was an empty person. I forgot Allah and stopped putting effort into worshiping Him. I did nothing extra just the things that kept me a Muslim, and I depended on my husband for my physical and emotional needs so much that it started to become unhealthy. I started feeling so insecure about myself and everyone around me that it led to many problems early and later on in my life and I started hating myself more and more every day. I expected my husband to be my ‘everything’. I thought he was the solution to my problems, but he wasn't, and that was the truth. He couldn't provide me with everything I wanted because it wasn’t within his ability to give, no matter how much he loved or cared for me. it wasn't fair for me to expect so much from him. It wasn't in his hands to control and because of that I started blaming him and hating myself more. Unlike me, he did have a personal life besides the life we shared together. The truth was, I was forgetting Allah. I depended on a human and expected things from him that only Allah could provide me with. I craved love and a happy life, and because of the thoughts I was holding unjustly in my head it stopped me from seeing the good in anything and everything even though it was all around me. It stopped me from enjoying the beginning of the most beautiful time in a married person’s life; it stopped me from appreciating what was actually being given to me. All the love and care and happiness was unseen because I refused to see it. I denied it was ever there and only now when I look back to that beautiful time I can see its beauty and there's nothing in my hands to do but to regret and thank Allah for what He has and still is giving me. I can’t say I’ve completely changed yet but it’s a start; a new beginning inshaAllah, and part of me finding myself again and appreciating life is writing this because I’m realizing the wrong and inshaAllah learning from it. I loved writing on my blog it’s what made me happy and is making me happy now because this is a part of who I was and who I am now…this is me. SubhaanAllah this is an example of what forgetting Allah can do to you. We will always need Him but He will never need us. We worship Him for our own good yet we lack in our worship towards Him. I ask Allah that I never forget Him and that He will always be by my side and help me to become a better friend, wife, mother, daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, and of course more than anything, a better worshiper. I never want to forget the mercy He has and still is providing me and please Ya Allah forgive me for all the sins I have done. Ya Allah forgive me for I have sinned much.

The Coolest Baby Ever Much?

Salaams I'm back *waits for someone/anyone/anything to respond to her but realizes the sad truth (yet again) that she is alone talking to herself*...So my mother in-law and sister in-law got a present for banana boy the other day and I Just wanted to share with the world how coolie coolie my son is now that he has his own transportation. This is what they got him

I Got Truck

It's so funny because Every time banana boy rides his shahina (truck) he has this face expression and he acts like his the only child in the world that has a toy car. When he rides it sorry I meant "drives it" his all like:

HOW Could You Do This To Me? Do I Not Exist?!?

Salams :D...


OK Bismillah here I go. This will be my first post since a long time. it's not really anything special but it's a start Something to encourage my brain so it starts working again. ok so the other day I was at my aunties house in the morning while she was out. and it was kind of messy, so I wanted to try to do it before she came back because I knew she was going to come back tired and not really be able to do her house. anyways banana boy was occupying himself while I was cleaning the kitchen, I made sure there wasn't anything dangerous around so I could clean with ease without worrying he would brutally hurt himself with a stick or electro shock his mouth with cords, so as I was cleaning I was happy to know that my son was in the lounge room playing peacefully. As I was wiping the counter tops I looked down and I saw this:

I didn’t even notice he was in the kitchen, I felt like such a bad mother. He had all sorts of crumbs on him. Poor banana boy has to cope with a mother like me I don’t deserve him really may Allah protect him and keep him safe and free of crumbs. Ameeeeeennnn

Around The World And Back

Assalamu alikum I know it's been such a long time since I've written anything on my blog BUT WHO CARES?..... The sad truth is No one does Amaya you have no friends… *tears up and puts head down in shame*

Any ways not a lot has happened since my last post except I'm married got pregnant went back to Australia gave birth met my mother again for the first time since eleven years turned nineteen came back to Jordan and now I'm living my life as a weirdo wife and mother aaand I stare at walls while my baby sleeps… 0_0

Ok enough about that what I would really like to talk about is what I would like my blog to be about firstly I would like to write about my life and events things that are on my mind and of course my son who's name will be banana boy (not that he has a weird fascination with bananas just that it kind of rimes with his real name and it's his real nickname and yeah… that took a while to explain) and if I still have it in me I would like to put tutorials and recipes and all those kind of funess thingy's.

as much as I love taking pictures I don’t currently have a camera so I can't take pictures of anything (unless I take pictures with my ancient phone that makes things look almost as if they where flabs of invisible things) so inshaAllah Allah makes it easy to keep writing in my blog  make dua I succeed       

Amaya

Did you know that amaya means night rain in Japanese its amazing that its two in one because I love anything that has to do with nighttime like the stars the moon the calmness of it all and how night brings people closer to each other whether its in worship to Allah , between husband and wife or friendship.
I also really love rain I love the smell the dampness and I love that poor people and thirsty animals will get to drink water and how each and every drop is being sent down by an angel in a specific spot ordered by Allah.
Did you ever wonder when you were small that when you used to open your mouth so that rain would go in only one or two drops would enter? Or how when you would put a cup outside it would be filled half full? SubhanAllah it was because Allah didn't order the angels to put it in there.
i especially love driving in the rain at night both of them together is just amazingness on top of amazingness.you know what would be even more amazing being in your warm bed all snuggled up in your blankets while its raining outside and the moon light beaming in.